Anxiety Plays On

As the week of my departure from Hyderabad draws closer, anxiety is playing its part.

In my short career of 4 years in Hi-Tech sector, I am prepared to change base for the fourth time! No, I’m not a compulsive ‘Switcher’ who changes job every year. In fact the duration of my stay in each of those bases has increased exponentially. While the first with IBM, Gurgaon was 4 months, next with IBM, Bangalore was 1 year. And finally with Microsoft, Hyderabad has been close to 3 years. I don’t know how long I will stick with Microsoft and with Gurgaon.

The point to note is that with each move I have taken roles where I may not necessarily have the requisite experience but in each instance my hiring manager thought I was a ‘fit’. I have had my fair share of ups and down in each new role. Sometimes I would perfectly fit into a role and sometimes I had to toil in order to create a space for myself. I was always driven by the challenge ahead and not by the success behind.

Each movement of mine has seen periods of intense brain-storming within myself, with my family and friends. But I have always taken the final decision. At times not directly in-line with what I have been advised. In the end, I can recall, were always periods of anxiety. What lies ahead? Have I taken the correct decision? What if it does not go the way I plan it will? And many more.

As I prepare to leave Hyderabad on Feb 12th the same thoughts are back to haunt me. Have I taken the right role for myself? Is this the right decision to move to Gurgaon when my life and career is so comfortable in Hyderabad? What if I do not fit into the new culture? Will I be an eternal technologist or can I create a larger business impact? What if I do not create one? Can I still survive in my new environment then? Oh!!!!!! Can I still reverse the decision? :-)

But these bouts of anxiety are never void of the positives. What the heck, do I have an option to not succeed? Did my hiring manager not say I am custom built for this role? Oh come on, my mom and mom-in-law will surely be happy that we are closer to home! This zone was too comfortable to be productive anymore! Delhi is rough but it has its own charm, I’m sure we will fit and fit well……..

One thought that always gave me comfort in such times was that I am still young and if nothing works, I can always start afresh! This thought, virtually, set the ball in motion from Gurgaon to Bangalore to Hyderabad. Somehow that same thought does not give me enough comfort this time around.

But I do have a few plans on my mind and I hope I can act upon them. Will keep the Blog posted as I develop them and make them actionable.

Till the next time…… enjoy and let the anxiety play on!